My daily emotional moods were driving me wild. Is that what happens to you too?
When I drive, especially when I am alone, my mind is in constant judgment of the other drivers. I am constantly fretting about the traffic, the behavior of other drivers, as if my projecting annoyance or gratefulness towards them would make any difference to them and their driving. It is exhausting to live that way. I would be tired and wearied by the time I got where I was going.
It seemed to me that my attitude about myself, my life, and life in general is based on what is happening in the most recent, immediate present. I know I am not alone in this. The most recent events, whatever they are, seem to hold an enormous sway over my feelings and moods. And they can and do change in an instant. That seems counter-productive: an enormous amount of energy is expended in wanting to hold onto something good and avoiding something not so good.
Some more recent examples shed light on my situation.
From Bad
A garden tool I had bought about ten years ago broke. It is a “lopper”, a garden shears with long arms but short curved blades, used for cutting small-sized branches. It is like a large size tin snips, but used for wood. One day I was cutting some branches and encountered some stiff resistance, twisted it, and pop! one side slipped out of its bracket, and it could no longer could grip anything. I tried to repair it, but the bolts are too encrusted in place. I really wondered if I could fix it or whether I needed to buy a new one, and how much were these things, anyway? Not an uplifting feeling.
To Good
So I called the company to ask advice on the best way to try to repair it. When I explained the situation to the representative, he asked how long I owned it. “Ten years or so,” I replied. Then he unexpectedly said, “We’ll send you a new one.” That certainly brightened my day. With this experience, my mood went from bad to good in a single moment.
From Bad
My refrigerator stopped cooling the refrigerator part. The freezer seemed unaffected. How much would it cost to repair it? Was it worth repairing, or should I go for a replacement? I started pricing new refrigerator models, and wondering which brand and model to consider, all the while dollar signs stomping in my mind. Not a happy feeling.
To Good
I called a repair person, anticipating the worse. He arrived, and in one minute diagnosed that I needed to defrost the beast. Ice buildup, he said. Despite it being a frost-free refrigerator, sometimes ice does build up inside. No repair needed he said. Another item where my mood went from bad to good in a single moment. So we defrosted it. Everything was great after that. Until…
To Bad
Two weeks later, the refrigerator starts acting up again, warm in the refrigerator part, still frozen in the freezer. My attitude dives again, although this time not so low because I have just been through this. Also in the intervening time, I have researched new refrigerators and am ready to purchase a new one if necessary.
Indeterminate, maybe
We decide to give the possibility of repairing the fridge another chance. I called a different repair local company. From the looks of it, they have more repair experience. Their fee to visit was higher and the phone consultation says a part may be necessary. After a visit and a through cleaning of the dust under, in back, and inside the rear of the unit, I was told to wait 24 hours.
To Bad
Twenty-four hours later, no change.
To Maybe
I speak to the repair person on the phone, and it is decided to order the part. It arrives in a few days and he returns to install it.
To Bad
Twenty-four hours later, no change.
To Maybe
The repair person returns. On further consideration he decides that he need to open the unit and check on a different part. So we unload the freezer, and indeed he finds a part that has gone bad. He has one in his truck. So a few minutes the replacement part is installed. We load up the freezer again and Now we need to wait.
To Good
By the next morning, the freezer is still frozen but the refrigerator is now cold.
So what happened?
In these situations, my mood and attitude went from gloomy to elated to back again, all in short moments, up and back, along with my frame of mind. And depending on the next outcome of events, it would shift again.
So My Question Is…
Wouldn’t I want to live with equanimity? Who wouldn’t? I do. I’d like to have a steady mood and attitude, regardless of the daily ups and downs. (New Word Police, take notice! Dailyups and Dailydowns seem like good candidates.) These swift changes in mood and attitude, buffeted about by the ups and downs of the day are not conducive to the steadiness and poise that a tranquil mindset would engender.
I don’t mean perfect calmness at all times, some variation in mood and attitude is good. Like seasons. Living where the temperature is perfectly constant may not be good. But are harsh extremes really necessary?
A Path
I’ve heard it said that looking at one’s mental processes without judgment and without opinion is the path to calmness. Namely, being able to see what is going on, what is happening, but without bringing my judgment or critical thinking into the picture. It is the difference between being caught in the flow of events on the one hand or watching from the shore of the river on the other. When I am on the shore, I can see that thoughts will arise like leaves floating away in the current; opinions will form, but I can let them go as if they are floating down the river with everything else.
A good description of this perspective of watching without judgment is to have “choiceless awareness” in our lives, that in the overwhelming majority of situations it is the most conducive to that elusive equanimity.
When I find myself going in any direction, up or down, or chasing some feeling or opinion, if I am alert to myself and see what is happening without trying to change or fix things, to be able to just say “Oh, that’s interesting, look where I am now,” then letting it all go, such that I can be aware of the next experience, and say then “Oh that’s interesting, look at that one…“, and so on. Then I have much more ballast with myself and my feelings, the actual direction I am going in does not swing as far to either side. And I find myself able to return to center more easily.
Now if I could only remember to watch myself when these emotional swings happens, instead of jumping on them with both feet.
The shift in how I look at myself and what is happening is the difference between being in a boat without oars vs. being on the shore. In both cases the river is flowing. In the first case I am adrift in the current, in the second case I am watching the river current without being pulled along. I see the same activity, but see it from a different place.
Do your emotions and moods keep you on a roller coaster? How do you handle it? Let me know. See the Contact page how to send a comment.
The illustration of an Oriole is by Chester A. Reed, from “The Bird Book, Illustrating in natural colors more than seven hundred North American birds; also several hundred photographs of their nests and eggs,” 1914.
The illustration of a French Cabriolet is by Mary Brown. Born in England in 1807, Mary was 14-years-old when she wrote the diary which tells of her experiences travelling down to London and on to France with her family during the summer of 1821.
The map of Afghanistan is from 1911. Historical names for Iran (Persia) and Pakistan (Balochistan) and other differences from today’s maps of the regions. The capital city was Badghis before it was moved east to Kabul.
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