How Do We Know What To Do and What Not To Do?
Children grow and the environment they grow up in determines what they learn and how they grow. That part is clear.
But how do children learn what is “right” and what is “wrong?” Since “what is right” and “what is wrong” are generally subjective determinations, then showing children how to determine what is right or wrong proves to be more delicate and complicated than one might otherwise think.
As adults, we have rational thinking and hopefully a good sense of right and wrong. We label this “common sense.” But this common sense is learned, is taught, it is not inherent in humans equally.
This assertion, that common sense is learned, is easily proved by looking at different cultures. What is good and right in one culture seems bizarre and inappropriate in another.
As a result, how do children learn?
Of course, there is more than one way.
One way they learn is that they learn by example. Some learn by the example of what they see, as opposed to what they are taught. So, regardless of what children are taught, they learn by seeing how those around them behave.
Another example is that some learn by being brow-beaten (or physically beaten) into one or another belief system imposed upon the child by adults. Physical, corporeal, punishment is common in many places as part of child rearing and early education. Thus it is not surprising that education and training in social and cultural norms is accompanied by much anger and rebelliousness by the young.
Both learning by example and by physical coercion has a large effect on behavior. It seems to me that both methods are used concurrently, often leading to a bifurcated emotional state.
Things to Know
When it comes to something that can likely only be learned by rote, how is this to be done? I recall being exhausted and difficult when, as a grade school student, it was my turn to learn the multiplication tables. At the time, I rebelled against the pressure to memorize it. Regardless of whether I felt it useful or necessary, or if anyone tried to inculcate me into its future benefits, I found the burden to be tediously uncomfortable.
That was probably the experience of many, if not most of all, grade school students. But persist I did, and so do others. Eventually, it was memorized. I can say that, without question, in retrospect it is useful to know. But at the time, the benefits only slowly became apparent.
Behavior Patterns
When is comes to behavior, admonitions to children are a common theme. Both exhortations to a child’s good side, and threat of physical retribution are used. Who can not recall parental guidance such as “Be Nice,” or “Make a Friend,” or “Don’t Forget To Share,” and so on.
We then discover that the world is filled with imposed instructions.
Don’t Kill. Speed Limit 65. Taxes Due April 15. Please wait to be seated. Place Stamp Here. Balance Due $75.00.
So society invents rules to maintain itself
And we import these rules into ourselves and into our children. We walk down the street and become adults. By adulthood, we have internalized cultural and societal rules. Those that divert themselves from the commonly accepted rules are labeled deviants or criminals.
Rules, often unwritten, often conflict with common behavior. We all know that someone in need of assistance should be helped. But it is so common to see videos of people walking past the injured or incapacitated. These videos are attention-getting because they offend our sense of commonly-held group norms.
But when people find themselves on the personal end of these norms that in their fear might put them in uncomfortable situations, sometimes things go awry.
Some people will be tempted to depart from norms when they could perceive a personal advantage, or an opportunity to do harm. So here is a prime example of an advantage for a society to provide rules of behavior.
Social rules are so ingrained we usually do not consciously know of their existence. I do not need to remember not to rob a bank today.
What would the world be like if we all had to walk around and remember at every moment: “Breathe In. Breathe Out. Take another step forward” … and so on.
What would the world be like if we needed to remember every moment of every day: “I Must Remember To Not Rob A Bank Today.”
And if there were signs all around stating “Do Not Rob A Bank Today,” it might motivate some people to actually try to do so. This reverse behavior is common in some cultures, as some humans seem to enthuse themselves on being contrary.
So social rules must become ingrained, unconscious, for society and for all of us to survive.
It Never Ends
So the contradictions of societal rules persist. Inconsistencies drive people crazy. We hate them, and yet many seem required for society’s continued existence.
What do you think about the rules and norms of social living? Send your comments here: Contact.
The illustration of the Labna Gateway is from “Views of ancient monuments in Central America, Chiapas and Yucatan.” 1844.
The 19th century illustration of a strix is from “The etchings of Charles Meryon.” Published 1921. A strix, in the mythology of classical antiquity, was a bird of ill omen.
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